Silent Screams on the Anniversary of a Failed Revolution

Silent Screams

If you haven’t heard my silence then you haven't been listening

My silence screams in dissent

It walks on the blood of those whose lives were lost screaming for hope

It lives on the lifeblood of broken dreams and stolen words

Words of justice fallen short

It cries for the lives of a people, of nations, lost to greed and wonton violence

It wallows in the pain of lives forever changed and left unfulfilled

My silence, is the only way to express the pain at the loss of it all

Bread, freedom, social justice and human dignity

All gone

And we are left with nothing, no hope, no change, and even worse ruled by fear and death, imprisonment and the loss of identity

When my words return I hope there will be a place for them

A place where hope can live

Where peace can reside

Where the future may seem….

Well, possible.

Rant, cause I just can't hold it in anymore.

Ok, so some honesty. You may or may not know that I moved to Egypt for the revolution. My saying at the time, was, ‘all hands on deck. Egypt needs us all.' We were in a time of incredible upheaval, it was a chance at true justice, or so my idealistic mind thought at the time. I moved here, I worked for a better Egypt in the ways that I could. I went from being an organizer of protests and a speaker to the media, a representative for the right to vote abroad, the videos from the US came from my living room, to a head count, a person sitting in a room. We won the right to vote from abroad, just as we realized that the entire revolution had been hijacked, 'interrupted' as a friend once said. But we are now in more than an interruption. We are in a full scale reversal where people are being executed, EXECUTED, without cause or trial. We are living in a land where we can no longer speak. Whether it is our truth or our various concerns, we cannot speak. We see that 500 tons of phosphate sunk in the Nile, our drinking water, we don’t speak. We see that a new New Cairo is being built for the billions that could make Cairo livable for the 22-25 million people that live here, we do not speak. We hear that 25-30% of our power will be derived from coal, and we do not speak. We can’t, because what do they do who those that do? As of today, we know, we get hanged, killed, tried without trial, killed without justice. We watch Morsi, a bad and illegitimate president, get sentenced to death. Why, illegitimate? Because the revolution was stolen from the start. Do we need a review?  Do we need to look at what happened, once upon a time, long ago, when a dostor (constitutional referendum) was held by the Supreme Council of Armed Forces? Those who “safeguarded” the revolution into its transition. Who allowed accused felons of the former regime to run against new candidates in an election that never should have happened?

And wondered why he won? Because he promised to safeguard the revolution while really, he was only using the words of the revolution to get his party in power. Isn’t this what we see all over the world? People who get into power on promises and then disobey them as they serve those with the money, those with the power. Look at Obama. He made a thousand promises to the American people and what has he done, everything he didn’t promise, he has done abhorrently. He has ordered more drone strikes and been chief of more wars than any President (maybe not, but it seems that way in the land of the WWIII that we aren’t calling by name). But, he has reformed healthcare, and immigration, he is working towards leading a legacy where he did what he promised. A duty to his people, undone by the ills of holding the position of the Presidency, proving that the likes of Monsanto and Nestle really do run the world. But that, is an unmeant digression, I just haven’t written in so long, that I can’t talk about Presidencies without talking about the American President, in fact, one of my Presidents, a girl of two lands, and his promises and his failures.

Morsi did not hold true to his promises and was in a full scale revolt against the causes of the revolution. Does he deserve to be killed for his transgressions, I don’t think anyone is ever to die for a transgression, was he to be deposed, yes, he didn’t belong there in the first place and he betrayed the Egyptian people and the revolution in the name of a group of people who do not represent the whole. He tried to ally with people who would protect him, not the future of this country. But again, I digress.

So, here I am. Four plus years post revolution. I built an acupuncture practice that I hope and seems to be helping people, only they can speak to that as fact or fiction, but I have built a practice. I treat people with every version of the human condition, the ones who would like to procreate and can’t, the ones who have pain and want to resume their regular activities, the ones who just want to stop waking up in the night, I treat them and now they are my reason to be here. They are the reason that I continue to live in this place that can’t see justice, which puts our lives at risk everyday in traffic, with pollution, with water accidents and traffic accidents and sexual harassment. Where it takes me hours to figure out what to wear to work that I can walk across the bridge in; in a land where we are supposed to be, mo7taram, where we are supposed to respect our neighbor. Does that only exist when our neighbor is someone we know? When we can be identified with a time and a place? In public, everyone is fair game? No one needs to have respect for their fellow man? Woman? No one can criticize or even ask the question, so what exactly did you spill into my drinking water and how does it affect me? I have heard of four people in the last week with abscesses (seen two of them). ABCESSES, out of nowhere. WTF?! Is this going around now? People have pus filled growths on them that we can’t talk about because somehow that is political? Is human life no longer valued? Is it not something that can be viewed as having a say in its circumstances, its future?

If you know me, and some of you do, you know these rants come out. I can’t hold them in. I don’t know if they make sense, or hold water, but they are real. I am living in a bubble, yes, a lovely one. I live in a beautiful place (although a bit broken), I work in a beautiful place (with wonderful people), I have friends who hug me and mean it. That is all a blessing and that is not to mention a family that supports me in my insanity of choosing this life, and yet, I still have to ask, WHY? Why would you hang people, citizens of the country to prove a point? Who are you? And what right do you have to take life? I thought we were a land of value, at the very least, value of human life. AT THE VERY LEAST.

So with this, I say, I’m tired of being quiet. I’m tired of not having the conversation. What the FUCK is going on?? And how do we change the course of it because it does not serve the 90 million people that live here, or try to.

My thoughts on the anniversary of a revolution, my attempt to summarize what is happening on the ground in Egypt

I’ve been trying to figure out for a few days now how to convey what I am seeing here. There are so many perspectives, so many observations that it is hard to distill them into a cohesive strain of thinking. I’m going to try. I will preface this by saying this is MY interpretation of events here and not meant to be taken as the way all Egyptians feel about what is going on here.

This week marked the one year anniversary of the start of the Egyptian Revolution. Leading up to it I was in meeting after meeting with a group of folks who have adopted me, shabab (young people) working to make the revolution succeed. I am doing my best with my limited vocabulary to understand the highly intellectual and political conversations I am involved in but am blessed in that this group is mostly only Arabic speaking and so I have to do my best to understand instead of taking the easy way out and speaking in English. The planning is all very democratic. Everyone had a voice in what they wanted the anniversary to look like. We all agreed that it was not a celebration of a successful revolution as much as the anniversary of the beginning of one. The day itself, turnout and those presnt on both sides would dictate how it would go. The main thought was that there were a list of demands at the beginning of the revolution which would have allowed for the removal of the regime, not just the dictator and a few of his cronies. These demands included a list of demands for how the revolution could transition in a civil and political way to a new system, with new people, a new constitution, new labor laws, etc. Essentially what we have found with our 20/20 hindsight is that the revolution was hijacked by the military. I am convinced that they didn’t shoot people in the square last year, and sacrificed the President in order to maintain control of the country. General Tantawi, the head of the Supreme Council of Armed Forces (SCAF), is one of Mubarak’s best friends. I can just imagine the conversation that happened before he stepped down, Tantawi telling him to step down, don’t worry, I’ll take it from here and make sure that your trial and assets are safely handled for you and your family. We decided to take to some of the poorer neighborhoods of Cairo to spread messages of the revolution, to leave messages out of the transfer of control and stick with the social issues that still confront us today, as they confronted us before the military took over a year ago. The square would mostly be a place for celebrations and therefore not as important in the furthering of the movement as it had once been.

The political situtation leading up to the anniversary is as follows, we find ourselves in a situation where we have a newly elected Parliament, mostly containing members of the Muslim Brotherhood, Salafis (religious right) with a few secular folks mixed in. The process which led to the election of a Parliament without the creation of a constitution before seems to also have been part of the master plan to hijack the revolution. The Brotherhood have long been (about 80 years) an organized and powerful force in Egypt. Please don’t make the assumptions that are made when you hear the term “Islamic or Muslim” in the name of a group. They are not Al Qaeda. They are not violent. Think of them more like the evangelical right wing politicians we are seeing rise in the West with the advent of the Tea Party in the states.

The elections seem to have been fair in their conduction and not a surprise that the Brotherhood took most of the seats in Parliament. They are the only ones who have been providing social services to the people for YEARS and of course, with hundreds of people on the ballots, when you don’t know who to choose, you choose who is familiar to you. Not to say that Egypt has not taken a turn for being very socially and politically conservative, it definitely has. But I do believe that had the other political parties been around long enough to be well known and trusted, the new Parliament may be more balanced entity.

The Parliament met for the first time on January 23, 2012, two days before the anniversary of the revolution. I don’t believe I have mentioned yet that they have made plenty of deals with SCAF and with their huge wins in the Parliament, they indeed feel as if the revolution succeeded and do not mind that SCAF is still in control of the country. SCAF actually maintains their power through this alliance. The first day they met there were plenty of protests, because of the fact that they were voted in before a new constitution was written and of course, would be sworn in, as they were that day, on a constitution that has been written yet. Has the ridiculty of the situation here begun to unravel yet? The following day, day two of their meeting and the day before the revolution, we were all surprised by the speeches which happened in the Parliament building that day. The talk was good. They spoke about the rights of the martyrs (those who died during the revolution), they spoke about the fact that Mubarak is spending his days in a five star hospital/hotel and being transported in a helicopter to trial at the expense of Egypt’s people, and that he should sit in a common prison as any other accused would. It all sounds good. Now, what keeps a group that has gained power through strategic alliances, regardless of how good their talk may be, honest? The answer we have found is the street. Before the clashes at Mohamed Mahmoud in November where many more were killed and injured by riot police and military, there was no date for Presidential elections. Now we have a date, June 2012. Many disagree with a Presidential election prior to the development of the Constitution, again you are electing people into power without identifying what powers they will hold, thereby enforcing the old system and the old regime, but the street was able to force their hand.

With the anniversary of the revolution, the question then remained, what now? Is January 25th a day of protest, is it the beginning of the next stage of the revolution? How do you deal with the thousands in the square who will be celebrating the success of the revolution when the basics demands of the revolution have yet to be met. The decision came from these meetings we held and many, many other groups held, that something we could all agree on is that the basic request of Bread, Freedom, Social Justice and Personal Dignity, had still not been met. This was to be a social revolution of sorts, and became political with the removal of a dictator. At this point, we don’t care who gets the job done, Brotherhood or otherwise, as long as the job gets done in a civil and democratic way. People need to be able to feed their families, individuals need to be tried for their role in killing protesters during the revolution itself and since (people have died every month since the revolution last January), there needs to be a fare wage implemented, etc. Everyone here, outside of the revolutionary circles, say, this will take time, give them a chance…well, yes, it will take time, however, the transfer to civilian power has not happened and so the basic demand of having a representative and democratic government has not been put into place. At the moment this transition process is being led by SCAF, a military entity, which in some form or another has been in control since 1952. The transition to civilian control needs to happen and needs to happen now.

The crux of the problem as it exists now, if you are demanding a transfer of power to guide the process towards this government I speak of, who will take the power? The Parliament, as I have stated before, was elected, yes, but was elected in alliance with SCAF and without a constitution to guide its actions thereby having no real legitimacy in the eyes of laws that don’t exist yet. The Parliament is set to develop a committee to write this Constitution, although thinking is it will not happen before the Presidential elections. In addition to this, there is much division amongst the revolutionary groups and with each person within each group having their own opinion on how this transition should happen. Take that out to the street, and the same story exists, each person has their own opinion and each person thinks their opinion is the right one, and now you are talking millions of opinions and millions of strategies. With no one group or person leading the revolution at this point, the demands have become diffuse and the strategy uncoordinated. What does a million people in the streets do when you realize that the only reason they didn’t kill us the first time was in order to gain our trust and take control of the country? ( By the way, the military owns one third of the country’s assets).

So, the last few days we have been protesting in the streets in numbers as large as the first time, or very close. The chants at these protests focus on the demands for a transfer of power from the military, the hypocrisy of the wealth of the military vs. the long lines for bread and 10 people living in a room, the continued need for bread, freedom and social justice, that we have taken to the streets to get our rights and more. Protests have focused on Maspero, the headquarters of the state media apparatus as much of the country gets their news from these sources and they continue to prop up the regime, incite fear, and basically not expose the military for all they have done to abuse their power over the last year.

The square is currently occupied, although there are no security barricades, checking people’s id’s as they enter the square as there was last time, and with the Brotherhood in the square next to the revolutionaries, there have been major arguments between the two groups. The Brotherhood has won big as a result of the revolution and has no intention of giving that up in this next stage of the revolution where the rest of the demands if met, could roll back some of their power.

So we continue to protest, we continue to develop strategy and try to build communication between groups, and we continue to hope that the country we all see in our mind’s eye is possible. There is still hope, although we are caught between a number of extremely powerful forces, Brotherhood, SCAF and the media fighting a battle with our bodies and our voices. There are no easy answers and many more issues and problems than I have laid out here, but I hope this at least helps outline some of what is happening on the ground here.

The decision to thrive...

A friend recently asked me to write them an email to explain how I came to my recent decision to move to Egypt for some time. This same friend remembered me telling her in 2004 what I was planning and the second I told her I was going, she repeated my plan back to me. So you are going to go set up a clinic there, do integrative medicine, work on your Arabic, and study Egyptian herbs, she said. Yes, indeed, that is exactly what I am going to do. I was dumbfounded, but then realized that it all made absolute sense. Of course, that was how I made the decision, by realizing that my life plan had never changed only taken side paths, tributaries on a route well known.

It was August 28, 2011. Hurricane Irene was set to hit New York City, where I have been living for the last four years (give or take, but that's another story). I have always been into disaster management, how would we survive if challenged to do so, on an island, off an island, far, far away from home. I stocked up on supplies, water, food, batteries. I sandbagged the lower level of my house, invited a few friends over who did not want to be alone, and we hunkered down, waiting for the storm that it turns out wouldn't hit.

I agreed with my now close friend, and upstairs neighbor, that at some point during the evening we would spend some time writing. I knew I needed change in my life and wasn't sure what shape that would take. With my roommate dj'ing, two friends asleep on the couches in the room, he and I began writing at about 5am. The wind was howling outside, it was raining, but we were still waiting for the storm to actually hit. Cable and internet had gone out at 11pm due to a tree down in our backyard, a fact we wouldn't know until the sun came up. I pulled out the notebook that I bought for this very purpose and began writing.

What I wrote it turns out, was my life plan. What I wanted to do, what I wanted it to look like. It was in fact the same plan I had written in 1998 before I started acupuncture school and again in 2004 after graduating with a license looking for something more. It was the same plan. I had since made steps in its direction. After writing the plan in 1998, I embarked on acupuncture school and got my license to practice Traditional Chinese Medicine. In 2004, I began the process of creating my non-profit, Integrative Clinics International, with the goal of providing integrative sustainable medical care to under served communities worldwide. By 2011, I had left a successful acupuncture practice for a policy degree (making a longer story a bit shorter), and worked for four years as a program manager in the health field, adding more skills to the deck. With the Egyptian revolution beginning on January 25th, my focus returned to my passions, my skills, my goals and my vision.

Back to Irene. As I sat there writing, I realized that this was the time. I immediately wrote the mission statement that I had been putting off for years. In about three minutes I wrote:

"I want to live life big, with meaning, purpose and love. I want partnership and I want to live my vision. My vision creates a truly healthy world where social justice becomes an inherent part of maintaining health."

And that was it. At that point, it was just about next steps. I needed to quit my job, sublet my place, renew my acupuncture license which had become dormant during my policy career. I would move to Egypt, set up an integrative clinic there to provide what so many people need, healthcare that is sustainable and practiced with a sense of social justice, anyone who needs it can get it regardless of their ability to pay for it. I would work to revise my Master's thesis regarding acupuncture coverage and access to care to provide the U.S. with the information it may need to help find its path to provide this medical resource to so many who could benefit from it, but who cannot afford it due to a messed up healthcare system which only provides healthcare to those who can afford it. If or when I return, that will be a part of my work here, the reason I left private practice to begin with.

I wrote a to-do list on the spot and after a week of letting it set in, I gave notice to my work and set the plan in motion. I will leave New York in one week. I will go to Egypt for about six months and see what is possible and then assess my next steps. At the moment, I feel blessed that this was a choice I was able to make, had the resources to implement, and the will to follow. This is the reason for the resurrection of this blog. And this is the reason, I will continue to document my process here. If I am finding my way back to my dreams, I figure there are others out there that want and can do the same.

By the way, Irene never hit New York City. I know others were incredibly harmed by her presence. For me, I describe her as a stern grandmother, she came through blowing her winds of change, stern in force, but not brutal in pressure. With love she left us to do what we would with the lessons we learned and the wisdom she imparted. Be prepared, even if I do not come with the force you expected, because I still came and in the end, was felt.

Asmaa Mahfouz's Liberty Tweet Speech

This is a speech Asmaa gave in Arabic on Twitter yesterday, translated by Iyad El Baghdadi, well worth the read. Here is a link to the full speech posted on a blog, "In my Mind." The revolution continues...

http://ferobot.tumblr.com/post/11337473482/liberty-by-asmaa-mahfouz

Article about the right to vote protest we hosted on Saturday

A wonderful article written by a comrade, Carmel Delshad, with the very photo I posted above. Happy reading. http://voicesofny.org/2011/10/egyptians-demand-the-right2vote/

Updated blog for a new me

Hi all,

I doubt anyone is reading this yet, but this was a very underused blog that I am resurrecting for the next stage in this life of mine. I had been planning on starting a new blog, but there is no reason to, I have reformatted this one to serve its new purpose. I hope you will check here for updates and writings about everything from the Egyptian revolution, to integrative medical projects, acupuncture wellness tips and what will become my travel blog as I leave the US for an extended stay abroad. More to come on that soon.

For now, a photo from a rally we hosted in New York on Saturday, Oct. 8th as part of an international right to vote for Egyptians living abroad. We took our rally to Occupy Wall Street. The photo is me speaking (using the human microphone) about our right to vote, the international effort and U.S. tax dollars funding military rule. After the massacre that happened in Egypt yesterday, seems irrelevant, but a photo to remember, regardless.